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Friday, August 16th, 2002

Time:7:01 am.
Mood: infuriated.
Alright, I have a major bone to pick. Why does Keroppi have his own font, while I do not?!? This is an OUTRAGE.

I am the star of Sanrio products. If it weren't for me, that stupid fucking frog would still be trying to learn english, begging to get a spot on the Muppet Show. And where is the Muppet Show now? Nowhere. I gave him a chance, I gave him everything. He owes me his very sad little green exhistence.

Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, May 8th, 2002

Subject:success is under-rated.
Time:1:00 am.
Mood: bitchy.
I think the reason I hate children so much is because of the way they smell. People think that cats smell bad, but they have no idea how awful the stench of children is. Why do you think most of my products have become bath-related? Because humans fucking STINK, that's why.

One of these days I'm going to walk into Target dressed as a human, so I can observe how humans shop. I think that my company has no concept of this, and it's the main reason we have failed in most of our advertising schemes. I'm really angry that I come out looking like a fat cow on everything my picture is plastered upon. What little girl is going to buy something with a big fat cat on it? Big fat girls, that's who. I never had big fat human girls in mind when I started Sanrio, thank you very much.

I pitched an idea the other day that we design a happy meal toy that will purposely choke human children, but no one else went for it. I work for a bunch of lazy, corporate assholes who have no desire to get ahead of the game. The Pokemon people are a thousand times further along than we are--and no one seems to agree with me on this. What a frustrating life I lead. No one is as driven for success as I am.

I've no idea as to when I'll be updating again. I'm entirely too pissed off to think about it.
Comments: Read 11 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, September 9th, 2001

Subject:the cat's meOW
Time:2:48 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Nothing interesting on my birthday, just the usual pathetic attempt from all of my "friends" to make me feel younger than I actually am. Daniel had planned some sort of surprise party for me, which was an ill-fated scheme to get me to sleep with him. He and I have been encountering some problems that I won't go into. It involves Badtz, but Daniel knows nothing about that. He knows there is another animal--oh yes, but he is still thankfully clueless as to whom I've been spending my nights with.

Needless to say, the party was an awkward experience. For one thing, Daniel invited a bunch of colleagues that I can't fucking stand. My Melody was there, spouting her newfound religious views, scaring anyone who hadn't seen her in a while. This is a rabbit who once robbed a Lil Champ for a 20 oz. bottle of V8 juice. She's found Jesus, though...and we had to hear all about it from the time she entered my house until the time she left. If I hadn't been drunk I'd probably have knocked her cottontail ass sprawling.

Then there was Chococat, who thinks he's become the next Gene fucking Siskel. He showed up wearing a three piece suit and a scantilly clad feline whore clinging eagerly to his arm. I congratulated him on his ability to find the cheapest possible escort around. He got pretty angry. I'd forgotten her name, as well as the fact that they'd been married more than a year ago now. Silly me. It's just as well, though, since the asshole gave my movie a bad review.

"I give this movie one fish, because the original was much better. Kitty is capable of so much more, and is currently going through some kind of repetitive phase due to a lacking sense of creativity."

Yeah, as I recall, there were many areas that you weren't very creatively involved in, shitforbrains. I guess your wife has never experienced the pleasure of a Real Tomcat, and has no way of knowing what's what. Daniel may be an idiot, but I wouldn't be anywhere near him if he didn't know how to make me yowl like a bitch in heat.

I should have known he'd hold a grudge when I wouldn't date him all those years ago. My parents always said he was beneath me, and they were right. Black alley cats don't mix with pure snow white persians. It's just the way of things. Granted, I'm currently having an affair with an afro penguin with a ten inch...well, never mind. What's between me and Badtz is between me and Badtz.

But I know Daniel's on to us. Or me, I should say. He knows I've been screwing around for years, which is why we have never officially gotten married. Ugh, I'm depressed.

The only thing that cheered me up was when the Twin Stars showed up. They've both gotten so fucking fat. I was so drunk that the first thing I did was run up to them and hug them, exclaiming that the moon must in fact really be made of cheese. Kiki didn't know what to make of it, but Lala (who has always been a little sharper than her halfwitted sister) looked at me as if she was going to start spitting nails. At that point I must have passed out...I don't really remember much else except for waking up in the litterbox with a major hangover.

It's back to work on Monday. I must come up with something that will pull the Americans in.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, September 5th, 2001

Subject:where are my FANS?!?
Time:6:47 pm.
Mood:jack daniels.
Now THIS, people...is what I call a true fan. The rest of you are just fucking POSERS.

Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 4th, 2001

Subject:bite my waffle, drown in puke
Time:2:02 pm.
Mood: drunk.
Last night Dear Daniel and I sat through the disappointing American action movie Planet of the Apes. Americans are never satisfied with one bad movie--they always have to remake it or add on a few sequels, just to make sure we get the overall picture of how stupid and uncreative they are. Yes, I am fully aware that they are probably reading this entry, but I don't give a shit. I'm drunk and depressed, and I plan on getting shitty before the night is over with...*hiccup*

Let's see...where shall I begin? It all started a few weeks ago, when we were having an argument about the fact that I'm unable to give Daniel any oral stimulation during sex. This has been an issue with us since we began our tumultuous relationship some twenty-five years ago now. I have been holding up my side of the argument, since the fact that he doesn't have a mouth either makes his reasoning both insensitive and pointless. But he is pretty adamant about seeking this sort of sexual activity from other sources. I have admittedly allowed him to couple with other females, since it lightens my load and makes double standards a bonafide guarantee with us. I have plenty of other lovers...*hiccup*...oh hell fucking YES I do. And most of them are much more talented in the bedroom than Daniel anyway.

So we picked up this sweet young thing at a bar last night and took her home with us. Daniel's been restless for new things, and I don't really blame him. All of the stress I have been under has caused me to lose most of my sexual appetite--at least for him. I won't bother mentioning the fact that Badtz and I have moved our Saturday night special to both Monday and Wednesday afternoons...*hiccup*...(Let me just say that that is one piece of penguin ass that can't be topped--we're talking pure antarctic blacksnake in HIS meat freezer...mmm....)

Anyway, Daniel gives the kid a cheerleading uniform and asks us to rub each other down with baby oil. I was fine with this, in spite of the fact that it makes my fur sticky and kind of spiked for days. I fully expected him to set up the tripod so we could videotape it. But the kid freaked out at first, saying she didn't want to be involved in anything that would make her lose her credibility as the captain of the Yen Chung High cheerleading squad. Isn't she adorable...*hiccup*...? I could have just eaten her alive. Hell, I did eat her alive....hehehee....*burrrrrp!*

Everything was fine until the little girl wanted us to pay her ten thousand dollars to keep the situation (and the pictures) under lock and key. With my popularity currently in jeopardy like it is, affording her coverup was a real bitch...*hic*... That little fucking tramp. I don't know what the hell we were thinking, living up the rockstar lifestyle when my business is so often floating in the toilet. I'm going to have to come up with some new ideas really fast. Any suggestions?

For now I think I'll vomit. All of you Americans can bite my furry tail.
Comments: Read 14 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 24th, 2001

Subject:fuck Atlantis--that ancient bitch was a whore
Time:11:10 am.
Mood: predatory.
I have not wanted to update for some personal reasons that I should probably not go into. Obviously the Happy Meals were NOT the success I anticipated them to be. We were almost immediately replaced with Disney's newest action figures (obviously for Atlantis). My disappointment didn't come close to the disgust I felt upon actually viewing the film. Badtz and I sat through it, and were of course OUTRAGED at the parade of fleshy animation on screen before us.

"This filth is what the kids are into nowadays?" I hissed at him, scaring him and causing him to choke on a handful of popcorn. The moron. That's what he gets for being drawn with a mouth.

I am unsure of what our next tactic is going to be. Disney's popularity seems to have died down a bit, and we are conducting some very important summer meetings to get this problem taken care of permanently. Since I am in charge, I am thinking of taking more drastic measures to downplay our enemy's territory. I won't reveal anything as of now, since there are a lot of Americans on this site...crawling around like little roaches, the goddamned spies!

By next year, summer will belong to Sanrio. America will be MINE!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, June 11th, 2001

Subject:American culture = "the happy meal"
Time:1:34 pm.
Mood: determined.

Oh, how loathesome the burdon of being me can be. I am never satisfied with the way my career is going. I long to be as popular to those dim-witted American children as I am in my superior homeland of Japan.

Oh, um...not that American children are dim-witted. Hehe...I was um, just kidding. :)

I have recently noticed that the happy meal tactic seems to work well with Americans. Apparently the only way to get to the fat, uncultured American children is through their stomachs. Feed them hamburgers and they will come a-running to all of the Sanrio locations. My intuition says that we must develop more happy meals with my face on them. They are selling like hotcakes in America.

Somehow, even still...that abominable mouse's company is ahead of mine, dammit. We shall see about that!
Comments: Read 22 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, June 8th, 2001

Subject:about me
Time:8:55 pm.
Mood: accomplished.

I would start offl by telling you all a little about myself, but well...that is pointless. Everyone knows who I am. I am the goddess of Japanese pop culture. My name is on everything, I am known by all, adored by all. No one can touch my popularity, except maybe for that moronic Disney mouse.

Mickey, wherever you are you can kiss my fuzzy white ass. I am for adults as well as children, and my fans are definitely more loyal than yours are. Boycott is a foreign word to me. My fans would never desert me over something as needless as religion.

Oh, um...not that I have anything against religion or anything. Hee hee...religion is a wonderful and beautifully spiritual thing.

Goodbye for now, all. Give yourselves a hug and kiss from Miz Kitty. I love you all. :)
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Hello Kitty.

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