Nothing interesting on my birthday, just the usual pathetic attempt from all of my "friends" to make me feel younger than I actually am. Daniel had planned some sort of surprise party for me, which was an ill-fated scheme to get me to sleep with him. He and I have been encountering some problems that I won't go into. It involves Badtz, but Daniel knows nothing about that. He knows there is another animal--oh yes, but he is still thankfully clueless as to whom I've been spending my nights with.
Needless to say, the party was an awkward experience. For one thing, Daniel invited a bunch of colleagues that I can't fucking stand. My Melody was there, spouting her newfound religious views, scaring anyone who hadn't seen her in a while. This is a rabbit who once robbed a Lil Champ for a 20 oz. bottle of V8 juice. She's found Jesus, though...and we had to hear all about it from the time she entered my house until the time she left. If I hadn't been drunk I'd probably have knocked her cottontail ass sprawling.
Then there was Chococat, who thinks he's become the next Gene fucking Siskel. He showed up wearing a three piece suit and a scantilly clad feline whore clinging eagerly to his arm. I congratulated him on his ability to find the cheapest possible escort around. He got pretty angry. I'd forgotten her name, as well as the fact that they'd been married more than a year ago now. Silly me. It's just as well, though, since the asshole gave my movie a bad review.
"I give this movie one fish, because the original was much better. Kitty is capable of so much more, and is currently going through some kind of repetitive phase due to a lacking sense of creativity."
Yeah, as I recall, there were many areas that you weren't very creatively involved in, shitforbrains. I guess your wife has never experienced the pleasure of a Real Tomcat, and has no way of knowing what's what. Daniel may be an idiot, but I wouldn't be anywhere near him if he didn't know how to make me yowl like a bitch in heat.
I should have known he'd hold a grudge when I wouldn't date him all those years ago. My parents always said he was beneath me, and they were right. Black alley cats don't mix with pure snow white persians. It's just the way of things. Granted, I'm currently having an affair with an afro penguin with a ten inch...well, never mind. What's between me and Badtz is between me and Badtz.
But I know Daniel's on to us. Or me, I should say. He knows I've been screwing around for years, which is why we have never officially gotten married. Ugh, I'm depressed.
The only thing that cheered me up was when the Twin Stars showed up. They've both gotten so fucking fat. I was so drunk that the first thing I did was run up to them and hug them, exclaiming that the moon must in fact really be made of cheese. Kiki didn't know what to make of it, but Lala (who has always been a little sharper than her halfwitted sister) looked at me as if she was going to start spitting nails. At that point I must have passed out...I don't really remember much else except for waking up in the litterbox with a major hangover.
It's back to work on Monday. I must come up with something that will pull the Americans in.